Words: about the ones I can't find to explain myself well, and the ones I can't spell

I don't even feel like I can put into words. Not enough thoughts to compute—just a general feeling of being not good enough at things I've said, ideas I've expressed. I've tried to capture them before they were fully formed and I made a bad image. But I don't have time or wherewithal to properly form good thoughts before I have to speak them.

"Before we can get all the facts, we may be going to have to act." —They Might Be Giants

I am torn and pulled in different directions. My mind cannot settle on one idea long enough to do anything about it. Dart, flit, swoosh, and I'm off to a new idea. I will paint my nails. Write a letter. Eat a snack. Tweet. Write a blog post about how I never liked the illustrations accompanying Shel Silverstein poems. Write a blog post about words I can't spell, like "occasion". Reminisce (<-- not confident on that one either) about how when I wanted to thank accompanists in high school for playing piano for me, I always had to write "Thanks for playing piano for me" because I never, and still haven't, learned how to spell the word for the role they do. Don't write a blog post because no one cares about my quirky asides that are one sentence long and decidedly not worth an entire blog post. Write a blog post about how I always want to write blog posts to have an excuse to tell people my quirky asides. Don't write a blog post, just say my asides randomly to my spouse who is across the room and who will probably love me anyway, even if I say things completely out of context and annoy him by interrupting what he is reading. Is this a blog post? I can't post this—it's the pointless ramblings of a restless person who drank coffee 13 hours ago and wonders if the caffeine (<--that one I can spell, oddly) is just now kicking in. But what if it has comedic value? As soon as you ask that it doesn't. But what if other people sometimes feel the same way? But what if they don't and I look like an idiot who talks to herself?

I write for the case of "just in case": "Just in case I'm not alone on this." I write to make connections with people. I write because I want to say the "connections" thing better but I'm having trouble sentencing today.

All spellings checked and corrected before publication. (Thanks, red squiggly line!)

Bonus quirky aside: What's with cookbooks without pictures? I'm already trying to imagine what a recipe going to taste like and now you want me to imagine what it is going to look like, too?

Gourdo

Still feeling penance over the Great Gourd Fiasco of 2012, I carved baby pumpkins again this year, specifically putting one aside for my long-suffering friend. I even put his name on it so it would be clear I was giving it to him:

pimpin'

I made one for Matt to take to work, too, and he said he would laugh every time he saw him with his little bow tie:

hee!

These two will sit on my desk, grinning their stupid grins at me, until their teeth rot out of their heads:

heh heh

hiiiiiiiiiii!

Collection of Beloved People

Left Brain: Heart, I noticed you've added someone to our collection of beloved people. Might I remind you that you are already in love with about a million people already? And that you don't seem to fall out of love with anyone? How is that even possible?

Right Brain: Let's go as a peacock for Halloween!

LB: Plus, Heart, you've already got a person like that, are you sure you need another?

Heart: This one is unique. They are all so special.

LB: Well, if we are going to love them all, we're going to have to remember to remember them all. Can we at least make a list?

RB: No wait, not just a peacock, but a peacock in flight!

LB: If I at least keep track of who hurt you, you can make safer choices in future. But you should probably just pay more attention to the people you already love a lot, like your husband.

RB: I should start thinking about what presents to get people for Christmas. And pen club! I want to restart The Pen of the Month Club!

LB: Do these people even know you cherish them? I really don't think some of them deserve your time.

RB: I want to put together an eggplant and blush outfit. I really like that color combination. I should look for purple shoes!

Heart: <3 <3 <3 COLORS!!! <3 <3 <3

LB: Seriously, I am so stressed out. You're out of control, Heart! How did you even expand enough to let another one in? It seems mathematically impossible that you could love anyone else without loving someone less.

RB: I bet there's, like, some kind of concept, like where the more you love, the more love multiplies. Like, 1+1=3!

LB: Right Brain, you have no idea what you're talking about. You are totally making things up.

RB: Research it!

LB: I hate researching. It's so boring. Let's just catalog the facts we already know.

Heart: I love all my beloved people. I want to squeeze them all and tell them I love them. I want to fill them up with love so they feel warm inside even when I'm not there. I want them to feel known, cared about, and hoped for.

LB: What if they don't want you to squeeze them?

Heart: I will grow little hands and reach out to hold their heart's hands.

LB: That's weird. And gross.

RB: That's such a cute idea! Maybe I can write something about it!

LB: Finish the peacock costume first!

RB: I've got an idea for a blog post! What if we type up this conversation??

Heart: To tell them all we love them!

LB: This is impossible. [initiates SLEEP sequence]

An Ode to My Notebook on its Last Page

(Written in the notebook, obviously, but transcribed here to spare you the effort of deciphering my nearly illegible scribbles.*)

The last page. The end of an era. This notebook has seen me through the transition from an occasional, haphazard writer, to a more frequent, deliberate one. Purchased on a whim from TJ Maxx or the like roughly 4 years ago, I was drawn to it's funky cover, and the price was right.

My beloved notebook's funky 80s-inspired cover.

I skipped the first page as I often do in a new notebook — there's just too much pressure to get it right — and started listing NaNoWriMo 2010 ideas on the second. I only had 2, but I ran with the first idea, finishing the required 50,000 words in a personal-best-setting 2 weeks. I have some details of the plot sketched out in the next few pages. Though I hit my word count, I never did write the end of that story, and I look forward to detailing out what I already know happens at the end.

Five pages in records details of the dream I had that inspired my NaNoWriMo 2011 story. I remember writing it down one morning before my visiting houseguests awoke. NaNoWriMo 2011 would mark my first foray into Fantasy writing, which proved so fun at times, but confusing and beleaguered at others. I look forward to returning to that world one day to edit my story.

Next comes a very short story, because I told myself I should sit down and write sometimes, just to write, not for NaNoWriMo or anything. It wasn't terribly good, but it isn't terribly bad either (and does contain the sentence "Paul wasn't about to put the 'budge' in 'budget'.").

Now we get to something pivotal: Right Brain's Manifesto. These statements propelled me into the next phase of writing by recognizing the inner struggle and dysfunctionality between my right and left brains. Until then I had no idea.

Rephotographed with slightly less appalling lighting but same bad focusing.

As I grew more comfortable with my notebook being a safe place, I tried out a little opinion piece about Ann Arbor's crosswalk laws, recorded some story re-write plans, and jotted down a few future story ideas I haven't pursued yet. Then in a journal entry of sorts I even admitted that I really do want to be a writer and I really should take myself seriously.

Here things really started to pick up.

I attended a talk by local, published writers and transcribed their advice in my now trusty notebook. Then I got a book they recommended on writing for Christmas 2011 and used my notebook to do the book's prescribed writing exercises.

That winter, I made the mistake of not taking my notebook with me on my vacation (JCCC2), thinking it would be too heavy and needlessly bulky in my luggage. This would be my last trip without my treasured notebook. The cruise turned out to be wildly inspiring due to the mix of talented creators and highly supportive fans. The Right Brain/Left Brain war flared up to its worst yet when RB got inspired and had ideas but the only paper I'd brought was my small notebook dedicated, per LB's wishes, exclusively to lists. Such drama on the high seas! How many thoughts were needlessly lost in this and other battles between free-form and organized methods of documentation? When I got home, I knew something needed to be done, so I started this blog.

Now that I was drafting blog posts, doing writing exercises, and journaling my reactions to my experiences, the notebook began to fill up quickly. The notebook came with my on all trips short or long, attended writers' conferences, and planned the launch of the PotMC. For the first time, my thoughts were all together in one place. Right Brain had a home, and Left Brain let her be (so long as she generally confined herself to one notebook and wrote front to back without wasting any pages (the first page notwithstanding, of course — obviously don't want to mess that up! LB and RB agree on that point, even if for different reasons.).).

Typical notebook page with blog post draft and edits.

In the last year and a half, I have filled the last 95% of the notebook with my various scribbles. What a delight! What a beautiful tidy mess. You won't be far from reach, dear friend, and I will visit you often. Less as time goes on, perhaps, but your duty as keeper of the thoughts, 2010-2013, will always remain, and a noble calling is that. I can't thank you enough for your sturdy and colorful covers, no-nonsense lined pages, and durable spiral binding. I did not know the treasure I had in you until it came time to find your equal!

(*This blog post is admittedly modified from the original text, because the notebook's dying breath reminded me "The notebook serves the writing, not the other way around!" Such a noble notebook!)

Pen of the Month Club / Pen #5 / Pentel Energel

(Each square represents one person.)

(I didn't want the right side to look as long as the left side when the list of criticisms was actually shorter, so I colored some of the lesser worst aspects blue because it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.)

(No significance to blue or black text.)

Lazy Loopholes

A screenplay based on a true story.

by Rachel Dull

INT. MATTHEW AND RACHEL'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – POST-DINNER 8:15PM

Matthew opens the refrigerator, grabs a whole cucumber, then puts it back. Gets out tomatoes instead.

                  RACHEL

You're not going to eat the cucumber because you have to cut it? That's why you're eating the tomatoes! You're being lazy!

                  MATTHEW
Um, it's because we have to get to the store soon before it closes. I'm not lazy, I turned it around.... To obscure the source by funneling through an intermediary.

                  RACHEL

  (understanding the Office Space reference)

You're a laziness launderer! Dang it! I get so jealous of your cleverness sometimes! How clever is it to compare your unwillingness to be called lazy to money laundering? I mean, I wouldn't like you if you were dumb, but you are just too much sometimes!

                  MATTHEW

I get jealous of how pretty you are.

LIVINGROOM

Rachel finds a cloth napkin on the footstool.

                  RACHEL

You didn't use a napkin this whole meal because your napkin was over here! How are you going to launder that laziness?

                  MATTHEW

             (picks up napkin)

Well, I will start by actually laundering it because it's dirty....

                  RACHEL

Damn it! Well-played, Dull. Well-played.

Pen of the Month Club / Pen #2 / Bic Clic Stic

Worst Aspect

Best Aspect

Best and Worst word clouds made with Wordle. Beautiful purple pen in last handwritten picture courtesy of my December Pen Pal, Becky! It's a Stabilo. I looooove the color. You will probably see more of it used in future pen club statistics!

Both Gourd and Friendship Survive Misunderstanding

Hooray!

For context, see here.

The Delightfully Dated Bulidings and Signs of Myrtle Beach

[I hope, dear reader, you appreciate how much I edit out the crap I consider putting on this blog (despite that crap that makes it through). Sometimes it's exhausting quality checking all my ideas, but I value carefully curated collections and data. That's the burden I bear. #EeyoreMoment]

Foregone Conclusions

I eat therefore I spill.

I dream therefore I write.

I lose therefore I gain.

I gain therefore I lose.

I care therefore I stress.

I love therefore I cry.

Introducing the Pen of the Month Club

[EDIT: The Pen of the Month Club is no longer seeking members under this structure.] 


The Idea

You like pens. Maybe one day you'll even find the perfect pen. But there are still so many left to try! You like having a lot of pens to choose from, but you wish you didn't have to buy a 5-pack just to try one out. You wish you were a member of a pen of the month club or something so you could try new pens and discuss their merits with other pen enthusiasts.

You do? That's perfect! I'm starting a Pen of the Month Club and I'm looking for friends to join! I want to send you pens, for fun, to gather your opinions, and to bond over a mutual interest. Doesn't that sound like so much fun???

Wait, you're telling me that you aren't really into pens that much? As long as it writes, you're happy? And you don't care what color it writes as long as it isn't orange? First of all, that's probably because you use a computer too much. Stop reading this blog right now and go pick up an honest-to-goodness book. Second of all, come back and let us make a pen lover out of you! You probably just haven't found the right pen yet. The Pen Of The Month Club is exactly what you need!

You're ready to sign up? Great! Get on the email list, and then get super excited for your first pen. I can't wait to get started!!

The Plan

I have no idea if or how this is all going to work, so if it does, I'll refine the process as we go. But, here's what I do know:

The first pen will be the Sharpie pen, of course! Towards the end of the month (September, in this case), I'll send out a web survey to PotMC members to gather some stats so I can report back the findings. And then we'll do it all again the next month with a new pen. Yay!

While I gauge interest and figure things out, the club is my gift to you. I want to share what makes me excited! If you already have a sampling of Sharpie pens and don't want another, sign up to let me know that you're going to participate in the club/survey, but write in the comments of the form that you don't need me to send you another one.

The PofMC email list will deliver updates and reminders, and possibly animated discussions about the ink flow of a Pilot G2 versus a Uni-ball Signo. Sign up for the email list now to find out!

[EDIT: The Pen of the Month Club is no longer seeking members under this structure.]

A Few Of My Favorite Things

Not exhaustive, in no particular order, to oppose the stressors list:

• my cat's soft fur
• a warm breeze
• the sound of waves meeting the shore
• Jet's pepperoni pizza
• the 2nd glass of a good wine
• a midday nap
• dangly earrings
• my sparkly ring
• jumping face first into waves
• a crisp, flavorful bacon specimen
• a really good cup of coffee
• the darkness and quiet of night (outside of the city)
• Lake Michigan
• the shape of Michigan
• feeling pretty
• bridges (of songs)
• well-crafted story plots
• the smell of books (like the smell that wafts out of the Grad library before you even get in the door)
• office supplies, specifically writing implements and paper
• making something instead of buying it
• experiencing a good book for the first time
• giving handmade gifts
• connecting with God
• logic
• playing Boggle
• the physical act of writing

Kitty's Search

Fabric Pen Roll Tutorial

Some time ago, I picked up a free project sheet at JoAnn for a fabric crayon roll. It looked quick and easy, and I thought a crayon holder might make a nice gift for a toddler. Recently, for the 8 millionth time when I couldn't find most of my favorite 5-color pen set, I decided to modify this pattern to keep my favorite pens handy and together.

Of course then it took me a half hour to find the pattern sheet...

And then it took me another 15 minutes to find the fabrics...

And I still have yet to find all 5 pens!

For this project, I needed:

• Two 7" x 16" rectangles of fabric for the pen pockets
• Two 9" x 16" rectangles of fabric for the outside/back
• One 9" x 16" rectangle of fleece for adding stiffness to the roll (not visible from outside)
• Two pieces of ribbon, each ~26" long

These 4 fabrics are from fat quarters I'd purchased for a different project, but they were fun and happy and I had extra. I had on hand 3 colors of thread that would have worked, but I thought the goldenrod looked best with all 4 fabrics.

I used 4 colors because I couldn't choose just 2. The stripes will be the outside, the pink the inside, and the blue and yellow will make up the pen pocket.




The scrap piece of giraffe print fleece I used for the inside of my fabric roll is a little skinnier than desired, but I wasn't bothered about that and fudged the stitching later.

STEP 1
With right sides together, sew the long sides of the pocket pieces together with a 1/4" seam, leaving the short sides open.

STEP 2
Turn right sides out and press flat. I pressed the seam several inches down from the top so that some of the blue would show over the yellow.

STEP 3
With right sides out, top stitch 1/4" down from the top. (I forgot to take a picture of this step.)

STEP 4
Assemble all the pieces into a stack in this order:

1. Fleece (giraffes)
2. Inside 9"x16" piece, right side up (pink)
3. Sewn 7"x16" pieces for pocket (blue/yellow), aligned with bottom of inside piece
4. Ribbons, folded in half, with folds lined up against the edge (pretty side, if there is one, should NOT be showing here, that was my bad)
5. Outside 9"x16" piece, wrong side up (stripes) [Not shown]

Pin these pieces together so they do not shift while sewing.


 

STEP 5
Stitch around the outside of assembled fabrics with a 3/8" seam, leaving about a 2" opening for turning them inside out. I got distracted fudging my seam because of the too-small fleece and had to use a seam ripper to open up the 2" space again. It's not a real sewing experience without use of the seam ripper anyway.


STEP 6
Turn right side out and press flat.








STEP 7
Topstitch 1/4" from edge around the perimeter of the roll. This effectively seals off the 2" opening that was left for turning.


STEP 8
Using chalk or pins, mark the dividing stitching lines for the pens on the pocket. I made my slots 1 1/4" wide and have 12 openings.









STEP 9
Stitch along the chalk lines on your pocket, taking care to back stitch at both ends in order to prevent the seams from unraveling. For my first two lines I started at the blue and stitched down, but that led to the puckers you see in the bottom left corner, so I switched to starting from the yellow edge and this looked much better.

Ta-da! All finished! As I mentioned, the pretty side of my ribbons doesn't show on the back side of the tied roll, which was a mistake. Unfortunately, to fix it I would have to go back to Step 5, and that was more seam ripping than I deemed it was worth. The design still shows when the bows are tied, so I am satisfied.

For a less froufrou look, two small loops of elastic instead of ribbon would function nicely.

(To make the original crayon roll pictured above, use 18"x11" and 18"x7" rectangles, and sew the pocket into the middle of the backing fabric, creating openings on both the top and bottom for crayons.)

Right Brain's Manifesto

I Should Be Allowed to Think

Said Right Brain to Left Brain, quoting the words of Johns Flansburgh and Linnell, "I should be allowed to think. And I should be allowed to blurt the merest idea if, by random whim, one occurs to me."

For many months, the two disparate sides of my brain have been, well, disparate. Unreconciled. Unable to make mutually beneficial decisions. Right Brain (RB) says things like, "I gotta write that thought down, that was interesting," and Left Brain (LB) scoffs, "Where? On that scrap of paper? Great, another random-sized, random-topicked scrawl I have to keep track of and organize somehow so you can find it again."

RB is flustered. "Shut up or I'll lose my train of thought!"

"At least go write it down in one of the nice notebooks we purchased for you. Now let's see, what did you say it was about? A blog post idea? Hmm, where should that go? The 'journal' notebook for random extended thoughts? Or perhaps the 'writing' notebook, for story ideas and other writing practice?" LB is a cataloger and wants to make sure all data points are stored in a consistent and findable manner.

"Argh!" cries RB, "It doesn't matter if I can find it later if don't write it down right now! Just give me whatever is closest!"

"Maybe we should start a new journal for blog post ideas. This is really a different topic than the other two," LB reasons.

Alas, RB forgets the idea.

What follows is the greater-self-appointed relationship counseling and mandatory team building exercise employed to foster unity and collaboration. Together, Right Brain and Left Brain might be able to accomplish something Organizedly Creative. But apart, they are Fickle and Bossy.