Saturday, March 23, 2013

Lazy Loopholes

A screenplay based on a true story.
by Rachel Dull


Matthew opens the refrigerator, grabs a whole cucumber, then puts it back. Gets out tomatoes instead.

You're not going to eat the cucumber because you have to cut it? That's why you're eating the tomatoes! You're being lazy!

Um, it's because we have to get to the store soon before it closes. I'm not lazy, I turned it around.... To obscure the source by funneling through an intermediary.

  (understanding the Office Space reference)
You're a laziness launderer! Dang it! I get so jealous of your cleverness sometimes! How clever is it to compare your unwillingness to be called lazy to money laundering? I mean, I wouldn't like you if you were dumb, but you are just too much sometimes!

I get jealous of how pretty you are.


Rachel finds a cloth napkin on the footstool.

You didn't use a napkin this whole meal because your napkin was over here! How are you going to launder that laziness?

             (picks up napkin)
Well, I will start by actually laundering it because it's dirty....

Damn it! Well-played, Dull. Well-played.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Writing Impediments

  • Coming up with clever titles
  • Sleepiness
  • Having to pee
  • Housework
  • Work work
  • Lack of self-discipline
  • Insufficient time due to poor planning
  • Wanting to be with people
  • Tangents
  • Good ideas
  • Indecision over where and how to record writings
  • A wandering mind
  • Kitty sleeping on my hands/arms
  • Overabundance of hobbies
  • Funks
(Notably absent items from list: Raw time, Insecurity, Lack of desire, Money, Lack of motivation)

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

If I could title this post, then I would not have to have written it

I'm in a funk. Blame it on my head cold, blame it on PMS, blame it on the weather, blame it on whatever you like, but the result is the same: I'm in a funk. All I want to do is write and all I'm not doing is writing, or the dishes.

Matt says I can't waste time because there's nothing I should be doing. I wish I shared his cavalier attitude towards time. Each night I go to bed feeling like I should have done more with my night, even if I accomplished something I wanted to accomplish. What's that I learned about goals and being hard on myself last year? Nothing? Right.

So until I find a way through my hazy funk, here's a dump of some cool stuff, presented without proper explanation: