Don't Piss Off a Writer

Don't piss off a writer. In the moment, in person, they may splutter—they're not necessarily good with oral repartee. But give them some time to gather their words and they'll eloquently let you know how they really feel in their medium of choice.

Don't piss off a writer, because writers have a way of taking creative liberties with the facts. When they tell the story, they are going to make sure there is the proper amount of villain to substantiate the hero's victory. And if you are an ass, that truth will out.

Don't piss off a writer unless you want to make them a better writer. Though internal seething may temporarily clog the flow of words from head to mouth or hand, writers specialize in turning feelings and ideas into words, and they will find that anger's voice. When they finally do, watch out.

You may have noticed a reprieve. No worries. The fury and scorn will work itself into my prose eventually and give vent to the steam boiling up in my heart. You may not recognize your words when I give them the literary treatment, but I'll know, and I'll finally let loose that pithy rejoinder your jerkface deserves.

*    *    *

Can I write my own analysis for this one, to save you the psychoanalytics? I think this is meant to be a comic piece describing the frustration of being rendered speechless without a comeback in a conversation. It's clear in the final paragraph that the writer has yet to think of any good response and may never. The threats are all talk and no action. If I were you, I wouldn't worry that she's being serious. Unless, of course, you actually pissed her off. I'm just kidding, she's totally Lindsey Buckingham.